


There's Never Gonna be a Sunday Dinner

by woshuwoo



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Other, i think, i was really overwhelmed by glenns death and i couldnt really deal with it, its a bit graphic, its really late and im fucking sad, maggie trying to deal with the baby, so i decided to write maggie not dealing with it, this is not good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 09:39:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8367454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woshuwoo/pseuds/woshuwoo
Summary: Maggie is trying to deal with Glenn's death. She wants to love and accept their baby, but she's terrified of raising him without her husband.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i couldnt deal with glenns death. i am so overwhelmingly sad its hard to breathe. i love glenn i cant believe hes gone. its late and im upset so i wrote this it gets a bit graphic near the end but if you watch twd youll probably be able to handle it. glenn deserved so much better than this. maggie deserves better. (also im not good at AO3 so the formatting is a bit fucked but whatever)

For a long time it was like she was drowning. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the bat swinging down, Glenn’s head splitting open. It made her sick. She couldn’t go back to Alexandria, not yet, but she couldn’t leave. She wanted to find Negan. She wanted to kill him, slowly and painfully, like he had Glenn and Abraham. She wanted to shoot each and every savior and burn their colony to the ground. And yet… she wanted to go home. Despite the rage that coursed through her veins, boiling inside her and threatening to spill out, she wanted to go back to the house she and Glenn had shared. When she had carried his body into the RV, the smell of blood and sweat overrode anything else. She wanted to go home so she could pull out one of Glenn's shirts from their closet and be able to let his scent, the familiarity and homeliness of it, wrap around her and keep her sane. But she realized i would probably do the opposite. Anything that reminded her of her husband and the gruesome way he died might set her off and she would do something stupid. She clenched her eyes shut in an attempt to clear her mind. *CRACK* She opened her eyes.

Most of the pregnancy went fine. Maggie had tried to go to Negan but she got too sick and the pain became too much and Sasha forced her to see the doctor at the Hillside. The baby was okay, she was okay. Except she wasn’t. She had already decided that she wouldn’t let her despair over losing Glenn change the way she would treat her child. She would love it, even though its every breath would remind her of the greatest pain she had ever experienced. She wanted desperately for her child to know about its father, but what could she say. That glenn was the kindest person she knew? Brave beyond belief? Loving and selfless, always willing to stand up for what was right? That he was smart and gentle and protective and that they loved each other with all their hearts? That wasn’t enough. If this baby could not see the person its father was, what was the point. Words would mean nothing. Maggie didn’t think she could deal with living with this baby without its father. When she closed her eyes she saw Glenn, bloody and disgusting, reaching out to her and calling her name.

When the baby came, she was grateful. It would be easier to understand what to tell her child when the child actually existed outside of her. When the Hillside doctor smiled at her, cradling her baby in his arms and whispered, “It’s a boy”, she felt the shell that had formed around her heart crack a bit, light shining through with her love for her son. The doctor placed him gently in her arms and the first thing she noticed was that he had Glenn's eyes. Of course, they were barely open and a bit cloudy but it was unmistakable, the resemblance he held to his father. Maggie’s heart shattered, but the shell prevented the pieces from going anywhere. Instead they rattled around in her chest, sharp edges stabbing into her as she stared at her son. She couldn't do this. Not without Glenn. This was their child, she couldn't bear it without him.Suddenly she didn't want to hold her son anymore and with shaky arms she handed him back to the doctor.

“Make sure he’s okay.” She whispered. The doctor nodded.

Maggie could not live with the child.She loved him, yes, but looking at him hurt. Watching as he began to show even more resemblance to his father. Maggie loved her son, but she could barely look at him. Every time she did, she wondered how he would be able to survive in this world. If his father, brave and strong and determined, could die so horribly, how could this child live. She voiced her fears to no one, too afraid of what they would say. 

It was late at night when she decided that she could not let this baby live. She'd been awoken by a nightmare filled with bloody bats and eyes and the memories were the only thing she needed to make that decision.She did not want him to be hurt like his father had been. She padded to her son's room, slipping in quietly. She was so afraid, but if she could stop his suffering before it started she would. She picked up a cushion from the chair next to her son's crib, gripping it tightly. In the dark, she stood over her baby’s sleeping form, holding the pillow above him. Slowly, she lowered it and pressed it against his face. In a second, his eyes opened and he attempted to cry. The sound was muffled but there and suddenly Maggie was horrified with herself. She yanked the cushion out of the crib and threw it at the wall opposite her, unsatisfied with the mere dull thump it made. She sunk down to the ground and pulled her knees against her chest, shaking like a leaf. What was she doing? How could she even think to kill the last tie she had left to Glenn? This was their baby. If he knew what she had done, he would hate her. Maggie started to cry, along with her son. She sobbed and rocked back and forth a bit, trying to calm down. She felt like she was going to throw up she was so disgusted with herself. She wouldn't let anything happen to her child. She would protect him, keep him safe. Nothing that happened to Glenn would happen to him, Maggie would make sure of that. She stood suddenly, swaying a bit with dizziness from the sudden movement. She leaned over her sons crib and scooped up the crying child.

“I'm sorry. God I'm so sorry. I promise I won't ever hurt you again. I’m sorry I’m just so afraid. I don’t want you to get hurt out there. I don't want you to grow up without him. I love you. I love you so much. I promise I will protect you until the day I die.” Maggie was sobbing and cradling her son to her chest, swaying from side to side. Her eyes were shut tight, tears leaking out of the corners. For the first time in a long time, behind her eyelids it was not Glenn's death replaying over and over again, but instead a peaceful darkness. She was so afraid for her baby that she was not being tortured by the death of her husband. She cradled her son closer to her chest and pressed her lips to his forehead.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this so i wouldnt have to deal with thinking about glenns death but comments and FRIENDLY constructive criticism is appreciated. i know its not good but its 2 am so whatever. i miss glenn i think im gonna go cry again. goodnight.


End file.
